Over the years, I have started to retrospect on the year
that was; more so when I have blown out an extra candle on my birthday cake.
The year before last had been a happening year, where I took
charge of life, and learnt to be at the steering wheel, both figuratively and
literally. But what about the last year?
The last year has shown me a glimpse into my future. Not
only did I see what I would most probably be doing for the rest of my
professional life, but also a glimpse into all the other aspects of my life.
Last year I found myself working alongside women who were at-least
5 years my senior. Women who were married, some had children, most had worked
for a few years, others had taken a sabbatical to raise their children. Women
from all walks of life, hailing from joint families, to nuclear families
settled abroad. These women showed me a glimpse into what life would be in
years to come.
We spoke not just about our work, but about problems of
in-laws, misunderstandings with husbands, anxiety of pregnancy, potty training
children, to handling pre teens. All in all a learning experience.
But what I found most amazing was how these women were still
the same. These women liked to have
maggi for dinner, infact preferred it over boring hostel food, they got excited
over sales and movie releases, they fought for the last piece of chocolate,
they refused to share their ice cream, they ate junk food, and they pressed the
snooze button of the alarm. I was astonished.
Mothers aren’t supposed to have junk food, or Maggi! They
are supposed to have only nutritious healthy food, or so I thought as I grew
up. Mothers are not supposed to fight for the chocolate, afterall they should
be used to giving it to the children/other family members.mothers wake up at
the crack of dawn and keep nagging their children to get up, they DO NOT SNOOZE.
Women always
sacrifice, in small or big ways I felt. They toil in the kitchen , while the
children and hubby dearest have hot rotis then they have their meal last. Women
move with their families, do what is best for the ‘team’. Here I saw the ‘team’
helping the woman out. The husband moving to down south Madurai as his wife
completed her course. The in-laws , and parents looking after the children. The
wives and mothers continued to be the women they were prior to all the ‘major
life changes’.
Ever since I was a little girl I wondered what will I be,
only to be answered by que sera sera, the futures noy ours to see. Would I be
demanding, or easy going. Would I be a martyr or a matron? All these questions
stopped mattering all of a sudden when I realized that I was already what I was
going to be.
I realized that I needn’t hold my breath to see if the
caterpillar had turned into a butterfly. I was a butterfly-for better or for
worse.I always thought life was about reaching milestones, the growth
milestones where we cease to do what we did as younger selves.This past year
showed me that I had already become whoever I had to become, the changing tides
of time would not change the fact that I loved dark chocolate or that I liked chick
flick movies. As a kid when I heard my mother say don’t eat chocolate or no
maggi before dinner, I figured that she did not like them herself. Every child
likes chocolate and doesn’t like to study and just see tv. Every adult on the
other hand is all about nutrition, and study and NO TV. So I presumed that
somewhere between being a child and becoming an adult I would lose these
‘childish ‘ habits. This past year I have seen these same mothers, say lines
like, “ I don’t want to go to the library or read today, lets watch a movie.”
So there. These same mothers who sit on their childrens head for homework, have
a trouble doing their own. I would not miraculously become more responsible,
circumstances might make me tow the line, but deep down I would still remain
the girl who would rather wash the dishes ‘the next day.’
I felt a lot like the proverbial leopard who realizes that
he has stripes and these stripes are not going to change. I was an adult now,
and I still lived with my ‘childish habits’ and news flash , they were gonna
stay. I no longer had to worry about I I would be, as I had already become.
Much like a bowl of jelly, which seems semi solid and
malleable, I just realized that I had jelled and solidified into my own mould.
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