The recent Delhi gang rape case has lead to many
discussions, most of the discussions start of about what the government/society
should do, but end up proclaiming what women should NOT do.Here are a few of the Don'ts that I have come across in the last few days.
Thou shalt not
titillate men. When I informed the nurses at the hospital I work at about
the rape incident, after the customary sympathetic noises, these ‘independent
working women’ said “Madam you should always wear dupatta when you go out.”
What if I am wearing pants or denims, how can I wear a dupatta with that? And
more importantly do we have a study where we have asked rapists,”excuse me but
do you find a dupatta a deterrent to raping women?” Infact even women in
Burkhas get raped! Women at 80 get raped in their homes, and prepubescent girls
raped on their way back from school. Is the school uniform not a deterrent to
rape?
Thou shalt not stay
out late at night. How late is late? Is 9 o clock at night late, because
that is the time the girl in Delhi got picked up. That means you can’t go out
for a 6 o’ clock movie, because that will end at after curfew hours .No dinner
out for you girl, no music shows, no shopping after sun down, no overnight bus
or train travel, no life after 7.Who decides this? Again I ask, have you asked
the rapists “excuse me, but do you have fixed timings for raping or is it a
24/7 facility? If I go out at 10 in the morning am I guaranteed safety?”
Thou shalt not
challenge the men who eve tease. Ever since the Delhi gang rape incident I
have been contemplating carrying a swiss-army pocket knife so as to ‘protect’
myself. Incidentally that is not an option. If a guy whistles, passes sleazy
comments or even manages to feel you up, the accepted mode of conduct is to
ignore the perpetrator. “Ignore him and he will go away, if you answer back, then
he might get angry, come back with more of his guy friends and…” The answer is
loud and clear “you are a girl, you must suffer in silence’. Just yesterday a
man in a lungi passed a comment at me as I entered the hospital. I was in the
doctors coat, wore a salwar kameez with dupatta mind you, and here was a 20
something no-good-loser in a lungi which is no more than a wrap around skirt
folded upto the knees, and I get wolf calls! I wanted to turn around and give
him a piece of my mind, my hands itched for a resounding slap, and yet I walked
on silently seething. I am still seething in anger. I wish I could have walked
upto him in my wrap around skirt, folded it at the knees, snapped my fingers at
his face and said “yenna rascalla, mind it!” But alas, a female rajnikant is
yet to be born.
Thou shalt not roam
around without male companions. Another oft repeated surmon “don’t go out
alone”. The girl in Delhi was not alone, did that protect her? How many men are
required to protect one woman? No one ever says that 4 or more men should not
gather/roam around in public, since it has been proven that men in gangs are
more prone to cause mayhem. No. The onus of getting raped is solely the woman’s
fault. ‘Why did she do, what she was told not to do?’
Even in the 21 century, the rules and laws are blatantly
regressive, and this will not change until we start asking some tough questions
and the right questions. We must start questioning the motivations and intents
of the men at fault, and not the unintentional ‘faults’ of the female victims.
Why do some men stoop to such heinous crimes? Stop blaming movies, and western
society and women at large, and start pointing the fingers at the right
direction.
Yes the movies have objectified women, but the movies also
have a Rajnikant or a Chulbul Pandey who will stand up and fight for women. The
hero beats up the villains and never ever says to the girl “you brought this upon
yourself.”
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