“It's women's day again! Didn't we
just have one?” Was my husband's reaction when he heard about women's day
celebrations on the radio.
And I wondered why?
Was it because I had been the nagging
badgering feminist that he had taken this stand , or was it part of a bigger
picture?
At the outset I might as well confess
that I am a feminist evangelist, I was all spit fire and outcry when Nirbhaya
got raped, I loved Pink the movie, and for days discussed the ' no means NO'
and how even a prostitute can say NO and it should be respected.
I get that; and yet I am offended
when the recent Amazon ad has the girl putting up her feet and saying 'Pink’,
and when the husband is actually tuning in to see the movie, she takes out the
nail polish and says ‘ laga do '. What do I find offensive? It's her tone.
Would you use that tone with your friend, your girl friends even? Then why the
husband?
Today's media doesn't seem to understand
the changing dynamics of men, women and equality.they either get too defensive or go on the offensive.
To begin with equality doesn’t mean
half, atleast not the mathematical version of half.
Take for example the united by half
media-movement of Benetton ;Spouting we r not better halves but equal halves, but
gender equations are rarely divisible by two. The ad says equal half of the
decision making, to be honest I have more than my share of decision
making , I want less than half, sometimes, and sometimes I want more than
half.
I make all the meal plan decisions at
home, even if I may not be doing the actual cooking , I still have to decide
when what is bought and in what sequence the dishes in the fridge need to be
consumed. It’s a chore I found exceedingly annoying when I was pregnant, and
suffering from nausea. I didn't care for food, and to decide what others ate ,
had me barfing. When I went home for my delivery, I was glad of that ‘decision
making ‘ taken away from me. Ah , the bliss of sitting at the dining table and
just eating, and not needing to work out what would be cooked for dinner, or
for breakfast the next day! not by half , but by Zero, thank you very much
#maakegharkakhaana .
But soon after my baby was born, I
craved for the independence to make my own meal time choices, not just mine but
my households, because heck that’s what alpha women do. We mark our territory, we
women folk, and I wanted to go back to my nuclear home where I was the reigning
queen of all domestic decisions , not my mom.
What I am trying to say that
sometimes we women want ‘half ‘ the decision making, sometimes we want ‘none of
the decision making’ and sometimes we want to be the ‘whole and sole decision
maker’.
So these ad maker walas try to
simplify gender equality , as if it was all about taking a ruler and going “ye
tera half, ye mera half” is futile, childish, and down right ignorant.
To empower women , we need to start
empowering our men aswell. I can see the men heckling, and some of the women
sniggering, but the truth is, life is team work, sometimes you do 80 percent of
the work, sometimes you do 20 percent of it. And the important thing is to know
your strengths , men and women, and concede to the person who does the job
better, because conceding to the better person, doesn’t mean you are giving up,
but helping your team achieve more!
When can your team of a man and woman
achieve more? Not when one is empowered, by breaking the other down, but by
building the other up.
Here are a few things both men and
women should be empowered to do.
1.
Wash dishes: because dirty dishes are
a turn off, and temperamental bais are a universal phenomenon.
2. Change a flat tire: because if you drive a car,
this is the basic life skill you should know.
3. Make pigtails: and this one is not just for fathers
of daughters, but just about anyone. If you have to send a little girl of to
school , you need to know how to make pigtails, it’s a basic life skill, like
tying shoe laces, watch a youtube video if you have to.
4. Make a decent cup of tea: not so that you can serve
the future in laws when they come a-visiting, but because you muight return
home to a lovely rainy evening, and crave a cup of hot tea, and you wouldn’t
know how to make it for yourself. (ad making people , can we have a young IT
professional making himself a cup of tea as he watches the sun go down, as the
next tea commercial, rather than the tired housewife, who takes her midmorning
tea break to refresh herself)
5. Figuring out the electricity meter: yes, paying
bills is an important adult skill. Don’t know what the electricity bill is, and
how it is to be paid? Find out. Don’t know how the fuse box looks, find out.
Haven’t needed to change a light bulb in your life, empower yourself, or be
left in the dark.
6. Use the washing machine: now this one irks me.
Another stupid ad wanted men to share the load, of washing clothes.Honestly in
our house my hsband did the dirty laundry. Why? Because he was home when the
washing machine got installed, and the installation guy taught him how to work
the machine, and I never bothered to learn. Until one day he was away on a
conference for a wekk, and I found myself calling him , with random questions
on where does the liquid detergent go (there are three containers for solutions
on the washing machine, it is not an intuitive machine to use, in my defence) .
but once he was back , I learnt, to empower myself.
7. File an FIR: Lost your baggage, someone bumped into
your car, someone tried to assault you or your friend? Don’t wait for tragedy
to strike, to know your way about a police station and the basics of filing an
FIR. Empower yourself.
8. Make your own bed: whether it is to please your
mom, or to impress your one night stand, a clean bed is a basic necessity of
life. Don’t rely on the bai/wife/mother/ house help to make your bed after you.
And learn it well, really own it, I say. Watch a video by the hospitality house
keeping teams of you have to. Take pride in your skill, empower yourself.
9. Reboot your computer, and install c cleaner and
anti virus: in todays world of technology, we cannot be relying on our better
halves, bitter halves or anyhalves , when it comes to one of the basic
necessities of modern day living, our technologies.
10.
Show your emotions: tears may be the
most obvious and potent form of showing emotions, but they are not the only way
to express how you feel. for far too long we have denied men their half of
being able to show emotion. Love, brotherhood, shock, support and surrender,
men are capable of being the bread winner as well as the backbone of a family,
we women need to empower our men to find it within themselves to express
themselves. Many women too, hide their true feelings, and lead a life of
discontent and they need to discuss their feelings aswell.
By now you know where I am going with
this list, so I will stop.
Men or women, we can stop trying to
out do each other, we need to uplift and support one another. Men and women are
not competitors, they are infact the best fit team! Competitors aare the same
sex participants, and thus the mother in law-daughter in law power plays, are
as keenly followed as the high stake takeovers of the fortune fivehundred
companies. (but more on that in another blog post)
This women’s day, the only way to
empower our women is to empower our men.
How do you plan to empower yourself
today and for the year ahead? Leave your answers in the comments (men aswell as
women).
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