Confessions of a sharenter
A few months back I decided to start a parenting column in a
local newspaper, and while researching for articles on parenting I came across
the term ‘sharenter’.
A sharenter is a parent who ‘over shares’ information about
their child, whether it is cute travel pics, naughty playtime pics, food
habits, milestones, even sleeping pictures of their babies.
Now to be honest, I was over sharing about my life even
before my baby was born. In fact it was during the first three months of my
pregnancy, out of fear that people might guess that I am pregnant, and would
jinx my chances of happy motherhood, I reduced sharing parts of my day and life
on social media, I deferred from sharing details of my pregnancy.B
So what changed after the baby was born?
Well, even the most social media averse person, tends to
share happy news with the world. And there are people of FB who have only two
posts on their wall; one when they got married, and the other when they had a
child. The only intention is to share
our joy with the world.
Over the past year and more I have met wonderful women, real
women, who share their parenting struggles and joys, their guilt at not being
able to breast feed, their struggles at losing weight,struggles at feeding their child
or making their baby sleep.
Parents around the world are using social media outlets to receive
support and advice for common child rearing dilemmas. Some of the more common
issues that are raised are:
- Getting kids to sleep
- Eating tips
- Discipline
- Behavior problems
Now you have the entire world raising your kid, there are mothers in
Mianmi sharing their vegan lifestyles, and dads in Ireland sharing their sense
of dry humour through child rearing pearls of wisdom.
Also in a world of likes and comments, a
baby picture is a sure shot way of getting ‘oohs , aahs and cho chweets’ .
babies are only second to pet pictures in terms of cuteness quotient.But the problem is that while animals
still don’t have a “violation of privacy” clause and will never grow up to be embarrassed
by the pictures of themselves on the internet, or wont have to go to school and
realise someone leaked pics of him in his bathing suit which his mom had shared
; a child will have his digital fingerprint all over the internet , and at some
point of time may turn around and blame you for what you believed was “ just a
cute picture of his bum.”
Most parents don’t realize that sharenting can endanger their kids’
privacy and can be excessive and harmful. Here are some examples:
1. Sharing of unauthorized
photos: someone, who you may or may not even know, shares photos of your
kids without receiving permission. This may even include "digital
kidnapping" where other people steal pictures of your kids and share
them as their own children.
2. Embarrassing
pictures/videos: sharing pictures or videos of your kids that could embarrass them when
they are older
3. Personal
information: posting personal information about your kids on the web, that will
never go away – may be used for cyberbullying or cruel jokes.
On one of our family holidays , I shared a picture of my then just an 18
month old toddler, turning to see two middle aged women in bikinis. It was one
of those lucky pictures, where everything happens fast, it is a sudden
movement, and you still manage to catch a great picture.
I shared it on my facebook, and before long I heard of news that it had
been copied and shared by others, on multiple platforms. Talk about a post
going viral. But I was not ready for it. It could have been a harmless “cho
chweet pic” but what if in time it was misconstrued, or we were judged on our
parenting styles, or what if it was a larger system of maligning us? what if
years down the line someone turned around and said ,”you call your self a
feminist, but your son has been ogling women since he was in diapers.” What then?
We cannot control what the world thinks, and it is all good till they
are saying nice things, but even in the so called parenting support groups,
they troll a parent for the parnting choices that they have made.
“Oh you feed sugar! Oh you don’t? “ “ He is bottle fed?! He was not
cloth diapered?!
While I continue to share happy and memorable moments of my life with my
son on social media, it is more of a open file where I can easily retrieve
memories for MYSELF, and also share my journey with those who care.
Honestly , during a conversation on sharenting, I confessed that I might
have shared lesser about my child if he was a girl. Maybe out of a protective
nature , and a belief that there are more people out to prey on little girls
than on little boys. But I maybe wrong, and who knows I might have shared the
same amount. In my head and heart I do not believe I have put anything that he
needs to grow up to be embarrassed about. I honestly have had his best interest
at heart. But as a parent , especially a new age one where people coin terms
like “sharenter” and have multiple “do’s and don’ts” one is bound to doubt
yourself.
So this is me sharing my confessions. I know so so many mothers who
share more about their children, and I respect them, I learn from them, I
applaud them. Some have taken the plunge into documenting it on blogs, have
become full time mom and dad bloggers, write columns about their experiences,
share snapchat stories, and live videos of their childs antics , and I love it.
I follow them, and I revel in our shared joys.
But there are a few tips that I read on sharenting , and if you feel any
of them make sense to you , and you would like to follow, the list is below.
Pictures of your
kids which you may not want to share online
1. Bath time photos - or any
photo of your child partially or completely naked.
2. Photos of your kids
when they're sick or injured - because you probably wouldn't want someone
to post photos of you in the same situation...
3. Shaming photos - for obvious
reasons.
4. On the potty - these
should be kept private.
5. Private details such as full
names, addresses, the name of their school, etc.
6. Group pictures because other
parents may not feel comfortable having their children's faces on social media.
Make sure you get their permission first!
7. Things bullies can
pick on such as a certain weakness, fear or maybe a silly nickname
8. Them doing unsafe
activities
I for one never share pictures of my son crying. Why? Because honestly
in that moment of him crying, or throwing a tantrum, I really am too
preoccupied to take a picture, I am just trying to console him, or ignore him
as the ‘how to deal with tantrums guidelines’ suggest.There are travel bloggers who blog about travelling with their kids and all the pictures are with their kids backs towards the camera, some use code names like baby Z while addressing to their child, some blur out their child face in the pictures, some take artistic pictures of only hands and feet.
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